Mean Girls (2024) Review

Oh god. So far, there hasn't been a movie that I looked forward to less than this remake. I hate the original Mean Girls. I think it's two hours of women being nasty to each other. It's not over the top enough to be satire and not sincere enough to be a human interest piece. Also it's racist and homophobic, and the sexualization of high school girls actually makes me want to vomit. But hey, maybe the new movie will

What's The Movie Ab

NOPE! Nope! Nope nope nope nopenopenopenope. We ain't doing this. The movie is literally just the first movie but with shitty music. I don't like the first movie, which basically disqualifies me from reviewing this one, right? If you like the original Mean Girls, you're better off watching that. Or maybe the stage play, my sister told me it has different music but I ain't fucking checking. But honestly, the entire time I was watching the movie, I was just thinking about all the different methods of bodily harm I'd rather do to myself than watching this movie. But when I wasn't imagining being stretched on a rack, I thought, "Bottoms did this better."

Bottoms Review

Yeah, fuck it. Why not?

Bottoms is a movie that came out last year. I wasn't gonna watch this movie, since I don't really like comedies, but then my work friends dragged me to go see it. And y'know what, I'm glad they did.

What's This Movie About?

Bottoms is about PJ and Josie, two untalented ugly lesbians who accidently lie about being in juvie and start a feminist fight club. Also, they're both trying to get laid with their crushes, the popular cheerleaders. 

What I Like.

Hazel is the best character ever. I also respect how the cheerleaders deal with their respective crushes. And the movie is hilarious! The parody of high school in this movie is escalated absurdity that was missing from Mean Girls. The teacher played by Marshawn Lynch was a particular highlight. And despite having incredibly selfish motivations, I was invested in the leads' struggle. I also don't even mind the sexualization of the teens that much, most because it feel appropriate with the twisted small town setting. It could also be because the biggest target of sexualization gave me the biggest laugh in the movie. Legitimately, I went into this movie only half watching it, and ended up incredibly involved by the end. And the ending. Oh god the ending is spectacular. 

What I Didn't Like.

PJ, mostly. She's selfish and kinda nasty to everyone. It seemed like it was supposed to be a back and forth with her and Josie being selfish, but looking at the plot objectively, PJ is way worse that Josie. It makes the implication that she and Hazel end up together super annoying. There were moments where I just tuned out the whole thing, mostly scenes that had to be there to advance the plot. Movies that are just comedies never have good plots. Also, and I don't think this was the movies fault, but stuff seems cut out of the movie. Not like missing scene or something that makes the movie nonsensical, I mean like blood and nudity. Like it feels like the studio or someone higher up wanted to trim out anything even remotely shocking. Which is weird, because the movie is rated R and the characters curse all the time. It also feels like the movie wants these elements in it. Like you don't have two different flashing scenes in a rated R movie unless you wanted to show some boobs. The weird censorship does make the ending ten times funnier though.

Final Summation.

I like Bottoms. Watch it instead of Mean Girls. No big summation of the events, which seems appropriate because Bottoms is a small scale movie, slaying the bigger rival in a gory spectacle.