The Front Room Review

*Walks onto stage in front of the mike* Ahem. *Looks left, then looks right*...A24, as a movie company, is overrated. 

BOO! BOO THE HERETIC! BOO ME! I DON'T CARE! Half the A24 movies I've watched have been GOD AWFUL. Do you want to guess what The Front Room is, Buggnutz? Based on this opening, bad? Wrong, IT'S WORSE THAN THE EXORCISM. A MOVIE THAT WAS SO BAD I COULDN'T COMPREHEND WATCHING IT. HOW YOU ASK? I wasn't goin-

What's the Movie About?

This is a "psychological horror" movie about taking care of an old lady. Not an old lady possessed by a demon or she's a witch, or the characters have to do it while being chased by a monster. Just a regular old woman. She's incontinent and racist ooooohhhh spooky.

What I Like.

The ending made me laugh. Unintentionally, yes, and a major part of that laugh was bitter since I wasted two hours of my life watching this piece of shit. But I'm saving the empty 'What I Like Section' gag for something really special, so what do you want from me?

What I Didn't Like.

The scariest thing that happens in this movie is a dream sequence about an adult man being breast fed by an old woman. That sounds horrifying. ...Fair, but they don't get up close with any details to make it disturbing. It's just kinda gross. That's what a lot of the movie is. It never goes too far with anything so it's not like it's supposed to be scary, it's just like... Do you want to watch a montage of flushing toilets? Or see every character vomit at some point? Not really. Those dream sequences are bizarre, and not in a fun psychedelic way. In a "someone told us this movie needs to be scarier and this was the first thing that we came up with" way. 90% of this movie is the old lady (who has a ridiculously over-the-top southern accent, check "Roan complains about accents" off your Bingo Card) being overbearing or obnoxious on purpose. It doesn't help that the dialogue is possibly the worst I've ever heard. It's not just that it's unnatural, it all sounds like it went through Google Translate twice. That's not the only poorly made part of the movie. They somehow fuck up the continuity between shots of the same scene! Seriously, there's a part where the the main character is putting on two earrings, the shot cuts to her husband saying something, and then it cuts back to the main character getting up to leave and she only has one earring on. How the fuck did that happen? And AMAZINGLY, despite ALL OF THAT SHIT, this movie is pretentious. The villain of the movie is basically a Southern Baptist strawman, and the lead is a a wet dream for someone who believes that "woke culture" exists and is fully in favor for it. The first scene (Well, the first scene after a ridiculously long credit sequence. Seriously, I think the end credits are shorter.) is the main character teaching a bunch of bored Gen Z'ers about the symbolism in chairs is actually about "Goddess". The she quits her job because they were boxing her out of classes because of racism. Like... On principal I should like all that, buck the system and this is the reality flack people have to deal with and all that. But the way the movie presents it is very unlikable. It gets even worse when the old lady in introduced. Every aspect of this character is presented as the worst a human being can be, and while yes, the old lady says and does some reprehensible things, there is a difference between faking being pushed over and telling the nurses your step-daughter-in-law pushed you, and hanging up a crucifix. There's literally a part of the movie where I said, "This seems movie really hates Christians." The movie hates the elderly even more. I think the biggest problem the main character has with the old lady is that she has lost control of her bathroom functions. Like, yeah, it's gross and a pain to deal with along with a baby. But they way the movie harps on about it is so needlessly mean. There is a scene when the old woman messes the bed in the night, and the way the couple reacts feels really cruel to old people. Christ, this movie is red-pilling me. Even Reagan didn't do that. But don't worry everyone, the movie has a happy ending. The main character smothers the old lady to death with a pillow.

This is how this movie is worse than the Exorcist. Because at least the Exorcist doesn't advocating for euthanasia. 

Final Summation. 

This might be the most half-assed movie I've ever seen. It's so half-assed that it might be more appropriate to say it's quarter-assed. Or one-eighth assed. Like there are some ideas here that could have been interesting or scary, but the movie makers were too lazy to actually make it such. Is A24 resting on their laurels? Like after Everything Everywhere All At Once was declared the best-movie-to-grace-this-sinful-earth, they just decided to stop trying? Why did they do that after I decided to do this stupid "watch every movie that comes out" thing!?