It Ends With Us Rejection

This movie is really boring. Find something else to jill off to, middle class middle age cishet white women.

Roan, you can't just end it here. You're already skipping written reviews for Borderlands and Cuckoo because of the Video Booze Podcast you're doing (click here to support them on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/VideoBooze), you need to give us something. Alright alright fine.

What's the Movie About?

Lily Bloom (No, seriously, that is the main character's name) is a flower shop owner who falls in love with this neurosurgeon with a temper and randomly sees the homeless guy she lost her virginity to working in a restaurant and that makes the neurosurgeon mad and the server thinks she's being abused... I don't fucking know.

Things That I Noticed About the Movie Before Walking Out.

You walked out? Yeah I did, this movie is super boring. I guess take this review with the biggest grain of salt you can muster since I didn't see half of it. This movie markets itself as "A woman who has to chose between a domestic abuser and another victim" but no. The closest thing I got to domestic abuse in the parts I watched was an accident involving burning lasagna. It's mostly Blake Lively being moony over the one guy while remembering the other guy she dated in high school. I guess you see her dad is an abuser in a flashback, but whatever. It's fucked up that the more non-white guy is posed as the one who's the abuser, but I'll let other people get mad about that. Hasan Minhaj is in this movie. Why is he in movies where I have absolutely nothing to say? He's married to the dog lady from Everything Everywhere All At Once. What else... This movie made me think I should dial back the self-deprecating jokes since this movie tries to make fun of itself and it's really cringeworthy. It also made me contemplate how my life would be more fulfilling if I died in child birth.

Final Summation.

Ever heard of Wattpad? It's a fan fiction website where middle schoolers can cut their writing teeth before graduating to better places. Like AO3. Or a smokey basement bar. They did this thing where they had some users write original stories and the website published them as "Wattpad Originals" or something like that. This feels like a movie of one of those. So pass.

You really half-assed this review huh? I'd say sorry if I was. Expending energy talking about this movie is like expending energy to talk about Styrofoam packing peanuts. *Sigh* Just promise me the next review you'll give it your all. ...Hang on, let me see what it is.

 

DEAL!

[Edit: I found out this movie has a twist. That moment where the abusive guy accidently hits Lily is apparently supposed to be Lily rationalizing why she's staying with him in her mind. I guess that is a good way to illustrate the point of the story. But a) the movie is still really boring, b) apparently I was right on the fucking money with the Wattpad comparison because the book was a Wattpad Original, and c) the director of the movie is also the actor who plays the abuser, and there's suspicions that he was abusive during production and a bunch of edits were made behind people's backs. Honestly, even knowing about the twist and the production history, this movie isn't worth the edit. But I figure if I didn't someone might call me out on it so what's the harm?]