So this isn't gonna be a review. Because I could only stand to watch half the movie, and as little integrity I actually have, I don't think it's actually fair to review half a movie. That being said, that little shred of integrity I do have won't stop ,me from bitching about how much hate I have for this pile of drivel.
What's this movie about? It's a romcom about possibly the two most unlikable characters I've seen in so long pretending to date even though they hate each other because they don't want to ruin a wedding and also they're soulmates or something. I don't fucking know. They kinda hook-up at the beginning of the movie and everyone acts like all "IT'S DESTINY FOR YOU TO BE TOGETHER" and it's the stupidest fucking thing. So the story is horrible, but of course it is. Comedies never have good plots. But Anyone But You get's a special prize for having a plot specifically written to annoy me.
How about the acting? Well, I hate the fucking leads. Both of them are horribly written and are just nasty to every single other character. The dialogue of this movie is snippy and sarcastic and not at all natural. The girl can't act. The guy can, but has nothing to work with. Their meet-cute begins with the girl pissing her pants. All of the side characters are wooden stereotypes, or over the top stereotypes.
Comedy? No. This movie is not funny. The only intentional joke I laughed at was a old man getting exasperated at the literal premise of the movie. There is a wacky black sidekick for the guy (Because of course there fucking is.) who I hope was paid more than director to repeat the most horrendously unfunny shit I've ever heard. There's a little bit of physical comedy that involves anal fingering so.... Enough said.
Aside from being racist, it's also sexiest "as a joke" but it isn't funny. There's a slightly jarring amount of very unflattering nudity. I was going to give it props that the interracial lesbian couple seemed like good representation, since they just seemed like characters who happened to be lesbians, and not "lesbian characters". (If you get what I'm saying.) But then I realized that they have the straightest wedding possible and they literally get pushed to the background to make room for the straight white leads, and I realized that the writers probably just made one member of a straight couple a woman and barely changed the script.
If I have to say something nice... The movie takes place in Australia so the setting is pretty nice. There's like pretty beaches and the Sydney Opera House and stuff. Oh by the way, the reason they rereleased this movie is so that they could add bloopers after the credits. I didn't watch them.
So in conclusion, Anyone But You? More like Any Movie But This One! HAHAHAHAHA *Proceeds to punch self in the face repeatedly*
No comments:
Post a Comment